I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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