just tell him i said nine months
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
