So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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