I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
