I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
