I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
