On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
