That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
