just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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