I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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