The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
