the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
