I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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