pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
