A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
