WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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