My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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