i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
