apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
