i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
