i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
