know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
