Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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