like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
