More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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