eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize