can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
