Life is so much better after having sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
