If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
