There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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