..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
