Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
