Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
