don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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