haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
