I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
