Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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