Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
