wrigley field is MILF paradise
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
