If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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