Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
