I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
