I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
