I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
