let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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