He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
