Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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