i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
