I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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