Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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