sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
