When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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