I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the day after is always just damage control
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
