I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
