): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
