Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize