bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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