Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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