she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
