You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
