i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
