Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize