Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
