oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
