The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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