You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
