you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
