like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
