It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When are your genitals available?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm having to shit out rocks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
